6am. Colton finally started talking to me again. Dawson and I teased him. (Dawson started it saying I was pantless) momo and dawson and I all came up with replies to colton, vicky is hogging half the bed and half the pillows, i’m running on half a gallon of tea (sugar must be in there somewhere) and chocolate. I can’t sleep just yet but i’m getting tired. I have been up since 10am. Tomorrow will be interesting I think.
Interrupted by a laughing fit. Momo said ‘apparently my boxes hang out with my pizza boxes’ but meant ‘apparently my blankets hang out with my pizza boxes’ and I heard ‘apparently my bosses hang out with my pizza boxes’ oh god
We woke up vicky. She is rather cranky at 6am. Scary stuff man. Scary stuff.
Sore. Feet hanging off the bed. Too cold too hot.
Forget it. Just forget it fucking ALL. I am a horrible person. I deserve to have nightmares everyfuckingnight that I sleep. I deserve to not have anyone to call my own and love. I deserve death. I’m a fucking asshole and I didn’t even know it. Why can’t people just fucking tell me everything and stop hiding shit?! FUCK.
I need to learn that I can’t get everything I expect. And that what I get is often more amazing than what I wanted in the first place. I just can never look past the loss of effort I put into doing something amazing… I have to get over the idea of everyone hates me. It isn’t like that anymore, this isn’t Jewell. I have friends who actually are nice to me. Some of them may or may not be the type to listen to what you have to say and then talk shit about you. I’ve yet to discover this or not. I’d like to say they aren’t, but the world isn’t perfect. People might say they don’t talk shit about you, but in reality, everyone fucking does. More to come later maybe…
Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as hell. I say sorry too much. I act like I don't give a fuck because I care too much. I over analyze the smallest of things, and I probably come off as not expected to be.